Whose’ Got Dinner? Boyfriend’s Family Expects Her to Pay!
When dining out, the general expectation is that everyone involved should pay their fair share of the bill. Occasionally, one member may choose to treat the group, but such gestures should always be voluntary, don’t you agree?
She arrived at the restaurant and was told by her boyfriend that she was expected to pay for her him and his parents because they were going through a hard time financially.
When it comes to new relationships, there’s always that “getting-to-know-you” stage where you’re both still feeling the relationship out and trying to figure out and work with all the little idiosyncrasies that come along with your partner and this new relationship.
Usually, the relationship is good during this time, and things tend to be 50/50 so as not to step on the other person’s toes. But some people don’t notice hints or, even worse, red flags and continue to either stay in the relationship, while the other person may continue to push to see how far they can go. One Redditor learned that her new romance might not be exactly what she’s looking for, and it may be over before it really begins!
The original poster (OP) and her boyfriend have been dating for five months. Her boyfriend is divorced, but she says he hates referring to and using the word “divorced,” so he calls himself a “divorcee” instead. She said it makes him feel like he was “dumped” when someone says “he’s divorced” versus someone saying he’s a “divorcee,” especially since it was he who initiated the divorce with his ex-wife.
The Comparisons
OP goes on to say that he has this habit of going on long rants about his ex and says things like, “I hope you don’t have this awful habit my ex has….” or “I hope you like X-Y-Z because my ex didn’t” she says and the list goes on. Recently, OP began working a second job to help supplement her income, but her boyfriend has been having her pay every time they go out. The last time they went out, she protested against paying, and he responded that he was going through a rough patch and was seeing how much help she could give him. This annoyed OP quite a bit.
Paying For Parent Dinner
A few days ago, OP’s boyfriend invited his family to join them for dinner. When OP and her boyfriend arrived at the restaurant, he asked her if she “brought enough money,” puzzled, OP asked why. Her boyfriend said he told his parents she would pay for their meals. This infuriated OP, and she asked why he would tell them that, to which he went on about his parents going through a rough patch financially, just like him.
OP responded that she was sorry about their situation, but this couldn’t be a coincidence. He asked her what she meant by that, to which she responded that she would not be paying for their meals.
OP’s boyfriend insisted, but she refused again and said no. He then responded that she was here, so she doesn’t have much of a choice but to pay while laughing about it. OP silently got up, grabbed her phone and purse, and walked right out. OP said her boyfriend couldn’t believe that she was getting up and leaving as he started shouting at her to “wait” and “stop.”
The Aftermath
OP drove immediately home, and when she got there, her boyfriend called her, yelling that she did a horrible thing by walking out on him and his parents and that she should’ve just paid to avoid all this drama.
OP told him that their unfortunate financial situation wasn’t her problem and that she wasn’t obligated to pay for their food. She also told him they should not go out if they couldn’t pay for their meals. Her boyfriend was offended and responded that she was making money a priority just like his ex did and went on again about how disrespectful her attitude was and how she made him look “small” in front of his parents, which forced him to lie about why she wasn’t there when they arrived.
OP says she feels bad because she really likes his parents but feels that she isn’t in the wrong and shouldn’t be expected to pay for dinners she wasn’t previously asked to pay for. OP and her boyfriend haven’t spoken since that night, and her boyfriend says he will not speak to her until she apologizes.
People Weigh In
Users gave their opinions on whether or not the OP was in the right about not only refusing to pay for dinner but leaving too!
One reader said, “OMG – GIRL RUN!!!! This is NOT a man you want or need in your life! Go, go, go, and don’t look back – like ever!! NTA by a long shot.”
A second person said, “He is showing you a very clear pattern that is only found in abusers. Leave now, do not let him back in your life, and know that his exes are his exes because, like you, they finally put their foot down. None of them are likely half as bad as he claims, and I am willing to bet they have very similar stories to yours of abuse patterns.”
A third person had this to say, “NTA, you’re together for only 5 months, and he’s pulling this s****t. Time to cut your losses! Next!”
Another user said, “NTA – Why on earth are you dating this AH?”
This reader said, “NTA. Ohhh the audacity is strong with this one, and the red flags are waving. Girl, just leave his a****.”
Finally, a user said, “Boyfriend is clearly using you. Glad you stood your ground. Also, he probably did not initiate his own divorce… just a hunch lol.”
Source: Reddit
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